Why won’t my wife sleep with me?

My wife doesn’t sleep with me anymore. It all happened once my son Wolfie was born December last year. Since then it’s all gone downhill!

She won’t cuddle me in bed, won’t kiss me in bed and none of the massages and gentle tickles that send me to sleep heaven.

This is because she co-sleeps with our son. He is exclusively breast fed and tends to feed every few hours during the night and like our daughter, this has turned into more of a comfort sleep.

Now you probably misinterpreted the title of this post as more of a sexual meaning, but I’m sorry to disappoint. What I mean is that we end up sleeping in separate beds to go to sleep.

She has a lovely king size Tempur mattress with our little ray of sunshine and I get… The floor. Actually it’s a thin mattress that is part of our play room day bed for guests and I actually really like it. When Poppy moved in with me at our last house I didn’t actually have a bed, just a king size mattress on the floor. This was mainly because I was renovating the house and didn’t want much furniture that would get in the way but to be honest I just really liked it. So here I am once again, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. It’s also rather drafty but nothing a good duvet can’t sort out…. Oh actually, only until recently I have a proper duvet cover. Prior to that I had a few blankets which quite frankly were about as much use as tits on fish during the cold winter months.

Poppy really struggles sleeping at the best of times but as she is co-sleeping and she takes up 90% of the room anyway (why do women do that???), she doesn’t want to risk any harm to Wolfie and I’m a deep sleeper. With me in the bed too, there just isn’t room! Another reason is that after a few months after Wolfie was born, Taormina decided to go backwards with her sleeping. Now she has a bed oppose to a cot, she will wake up in the night and come in with me. 4 of us cannot fit in a king size Tempur bed comfortably. I swear to god Taormina does cart wheels and acrobatics in her sleep! Why can’t she keep still! Most of the time I don’t notice she’s there apart from when she really loudly tells me she’s lying next to me or starts poking me in the face. Poppy sometimes tells me I say to her really bluntly in my parenting ‘telling off’ tone; “STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP!!”. I don’t even remember saying it.

Lack of sleep is one of the hardest things to face once you’re a new parent and from experience with our toddler we know how long bad sleeping habits can take to rectify so I appreciate we should be doing more to sort out the situation but we are so tired every day. It is so hard to make the change because we are always playing catch up.

We therefore decided that our method of sleeping is best for now. I don’t know the definition of “for now” but we are slowly working on sleeping together again. It’s something to look forward to.

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